


999,999

by astraplain



Series: 999,999 [1]
Category: Torchwood
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-20
Updated: 2010-02-20
Packaged: 2017-10-07 09:56:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/63994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astraplain/pseuds/astraplain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack learns that it is possible to have too much of a good thing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	999,999

"Thanks, Ianto." Jack accepted the coffee, smile firmly in place until the footsteps retreated. He set the small paper cup down on the desk beside the fourteen identical cups and returned his attention to the computer monitor. Less than a minute later footsteps approached.

"Coffee."

"Thanks, Ianto." Jack repeated the process, again waiting for the footsteps to retreat before he set the coffee with the rest and  
reached for the keyboard. Footsteps approached.

With a sigh, Jack abandoned any hope of actually working and stood up to greet his eager visitor. He leaned down to accept the coffee and patted Ianto on the shoulder.

"Where are the others?" It wasn't really a question he wanted to ask, but it was the most... diplomatic.

"Owen has the seven hundreds lined up waiting for exams." Ianto gestured to the long line of identical figures waiting for their turn  
in the medbay. "Tosh took the three and six hundreds down to the gym for fitness assessment. Gwen has the zero thru two hundreds on  
inventory and cleaning for the storage levels and old dormitories. The four and five hundreds are in the archives with The Largest." Ianto took a breath and added, "I'm with the eight hundreds on food and coffee."

"Eight hundred... " Jack stepped past Ianto and sprinted downstairs to the medbay.

"I thought Tosh had this contained? We're over eight hundred?"

"Make that sixteen," Tosh said, sounding and looking as if she'd run all the way from the gym. She continued on to her desk and started  
working at her computer with an air of desperation.

"They're doubling?" Jack hoped no one noticed the slight edge of hysteria in his voice.

"Tripling," Gwen corrected, joining the group, thankfully without her charges.

"I believe you'll find we've surpassed that by a significant margin." Ianto joined them looking as flustered as they'd ever seen him. He'd exchanged his suit for jeans and a t-shirt and was looking a bit wild-eyed. "I've had to open up levels nine through fourteen, Jack. There are fights breaking out over the last of the cleaning supplies."

"Largest! Largest!" A horde of half-sized Iantos surrounded them, all clad in perfect replicas of the cute suit (complete with red tie) and clamored for attention.

"Excuse me," the original Ianto stopped them. "Is this an appropriate method for conveying an urgent message?"

"No, Largest," a hundred mini Iantos chorused.

"Well then. Eight twenty-seven, will you relay the message?"

"Yes, Largest. We're out of coffee."

"I see. This is an urgent matter. I will attend to it personally while you report to level six. Assistance will be needed when it's time to wash the ceilings."

"Yes, Largest," the eight hundreds chorused before they swiftly formed a line in numerical order and proceeded downstairs.

"Terrifying," Owen said with a shudder. "Hundreds of Tea Boys."

"Some people would pay a fortune for something like this, Owen."

"They're welcome to it," Ianto said. He was looking quite unnerved. "How do we stop whatever it is that's creating tiny me. More  
importantly, what do we do with all of the ones we've already got?"

"Make an advert and sell them as housekeepers? Should put an end to our budget shortfall for the next decade." Owen grinned at Ianto's  
scowl of disgust.

"Jack! I've got something," Tosh called, barely waiting for them to join her before continuing. She cast a glance over at Ianto. "It's  
only a theory."

Jack scanned the information on Tosh's screen, unable to keep the grin off his face. Owen laughed outright while Gwen and Tosh almost managed to contain their amusement. Ianto gave a long suffering sigh and looked at Jack.

"You'll do the honors then, sir?"

"Anything will work as long as it covers him completely?" Jack asked. "Dirt? Mud?" He cast a speculative glance at Ianto. "Chocolate sauce?"

"I did not need to hear that!" Owen protested, heading back to the medbay and the line of mini-Iantos who were still waiting patiently.

"As long as no light can get through. Those seeds that came through the rift yesterday - apparently they contain a substance that causes unlimited duplication of the host when exposed to fluorescent light. This simulation suggests that remaining covered for four hours should be sufficient time to stop the process and neutralize any remaining substance."

"And you thought we didn't need a bathtub," Jack teased as he took Ianto's shoulder and turned him towards Jack's office and recently  
expanded quarters.

"Gwen, we'll need chocolate sauce," Jack said far too cheerfully. "Get the good stuff, and maybe some caramel and..."

"I'll use my imagination," Gwen interrupted before Jack could drift any farther into his happy fantasy. She hurried away, her own  
imagination working overtime.

"What about the..." Jack leaned closer to Tosh's screen and winced, "With the original, there are currently one million Iantos. What will we do with them all? How do they even fit here? Even with the re-opened levels?"

"It's not going to be a problem. Look." Tosh enlarged one of the many screens showing the lower levels of the Hub. This one was focused on the center of the gym where a large circle of Iantos were performing a somewhat unnerving ritual. One at a time, in numerical order according to the labels on their lapels, a mini Ianto would step into the center of the circle, give a bow and quietly fade away while the others nodded their farewell. It was quiet, dignified, and so very Ianto, that Jack had to look away.

"Let me know when they're all..." He couldn't bring himself to say it.

"I will." Tosh assured him, her voice tight with emotion.

Jack dashed up the stairs and dropped down into his quarters. He decided to stay dressed until Gwen returned with the chocolate sauce.  
Meanwhile, Ianto was lying on the bed completely covered by a heavy blanket. Jack took off his shoes and lifted one corner of the blanket - just enough to slide in beside his lover. For good measure, he turned out the light before tucking the blanket in around him.

It was like being in a cocoon - a bit too warm but cozy and safe. Jack turned onto his side and ran his hand lightly across Ianto's face and down his still-clothed body. It was a soft, exploring touch and Ianto accepted it and took reassurance from it just as Jack did. They shifted towards each other, familiar enough that they didn't actually have to see to anticipate each other's needs.

"They're fading," Jack said quietly, his voice barely above a whisper.

"I should have thanked them. Been more patient with them." Ianto's voice was just as soft and he sounded almost sad to know he'd soon be the only one left.

Jack could have said something easy; assured him he was one in a million - literally - but he didn't. He reached out and brought Ianto  
closer, pressing their bodies together as if they were one form rather than two separate entities.

They were still like that when the chocolate and caramel sauces arrived. With sprinkles, whipped creme and cherries.

::end::


End file.
